allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
