You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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