I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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