I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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