I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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