I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
