You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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