I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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