I'm going to rape someone's good day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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