I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
