I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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