Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
