Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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