my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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