Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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