Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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