I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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