this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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