put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
