I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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