This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
