i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize