i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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