if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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