I've blown a few things in my day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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