is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
