Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
