Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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