Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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