I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont even know how to be here
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
