remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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