Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
