Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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