these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
