I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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