Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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