Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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