woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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