i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
