There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize