This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
