My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
