He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
