Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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