dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
