I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
