So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
