i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Found your dick twin last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
