Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
