Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
