Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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