We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
