You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
