u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
