Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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