He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
