girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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