My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
