i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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