my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I want to be your penis for a week.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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