Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
