??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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