Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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