Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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