Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
