He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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