had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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