Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
