two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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