dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
