My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
