I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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