I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
time to smoke my breakfast
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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