he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize