My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
