I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
