how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
