Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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