So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
