did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
