I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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