Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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