so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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