I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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