if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
