Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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