The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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