I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize