My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize