I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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