Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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