I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
