Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
