Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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